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Dearest Queen Gracie Advice Column

Should any Dogdom subjects need wise counsel please be advised that Queen
Gracie has now decided to go into the advice business. For the paltry sum of 5
bones....er bucks....you may send "Dear Abby" type letters directly to the
Queen via: LonghouseJ@aol.com Please begin every letter with the following
introduction: "Dearest Queen Gracie".

The following types of questions will NOT be entertained: 1. Flea
Infestations and 2. Piddle-Poop Attacks. Number one is distateful and beneath the Queen's dignity. Number two should be accepted as a matter of course.
Should any human desire a Piddle-Poop-Proof dog..try a Pomeranian. According to the Queen... Pomeranians are...uh....I guess it's unprintable.

Your letters along with HRH Royal Answers will be posted on this website for
a period of time not less than 2 weeks. The Queen will dispense advice for
either a human or a dog. According to the Queen's SAINTED (Human) Mother this advice is guaranteed to be: 1. useless 2. outrageous and 3. worthless but 4. DEFINITELY NOT FATTENING!

p.s. EVERYONE from the Italian Greyhound community DEEPLY apologizes to the
Pomeranian Community. Queen Gracie's attitude toward Poms is based on Royal
Whim and NOT: 1. Logic 2. Understanding 3. Tolerance 4. Facts or 5.
Sisterly Love. The Queen is NOT known for any of those things. In fact...that
is why (quite simply) this Italian Greyhound Queen IS A "BITCH"! The rest of
us (both human and animal) within the IG Community LOVE Pomeranians....but
also The Queen. For us..it's a real dilemma. However, we wish the beautiful
and very special Pomeranian breed the very best of everything life has to
offer. (If you want to find out the ridiculous, overly-sensitive and
outrageous details behind The Queen's stupid attitude toward all those adorable little
Poms...please e-mail _LonghouseJ@aol.com_ (mailto:LonghouseJ@aol.com) and
inquire. If there are enough inquiries...full details will be posted via this
website. You won't believe them!!!!




or send a check in the amount of $5 made payable to IGRF

along with your question ... directly to:

Queen Gracie Longhouse
c/o Judy Longhouse
515 Kimberly Ave.
Leesburg, FL 34788

Your bones...er bucks will be used on behalf of MANY little Iggies less fortunate than yourselves.


Dearest Queen Gracie,
First of all, I must tell you I have admired you from a far for many years. I know I will never be so honored as to have you look down your long beautiful nose at me, but I can still dream.
I am so happy to learn of your new advice column. I know you will have great success with your new column and will never allow the humans to take advantage to your good and charming nature. I have recently found myself in a very humiliating situation and I desperately need your great and always humble iggy wisdom.
I realize you would never think to pee anywhere but the most royal of places, so this all may be hard for you to understand. I, however, am perfectly comfortable with occasionally lifting my leg in places the humans are not very appreciative of. I actually take great delight in doing it, as I like to see them get a little upset. Well, here is the situation:
I was thrilled to discover my humans had put a chamber pot floor level for my own personal use. With the sub zero temperatures outside and mounds of snow everywhere, it was only logical to think the lovely Lenox China Dish was my own personal pee pot. Nope! Turns out I was wrong. They took pictures of my mistake and they sent them all over the Internet to friends, family, and strangers around the world.
I am humiliated by the whole incident. My iggy sister is a cruel beast! She has taken this opportunity to laugh at me each chance she can and she always swoops in to grab treats that used to me for me. My iggy brother Pepie has been very supportive and a offers the only helping paw I can turn to. My humans are threatening taking me to court for damages to that dish. I promise you my Royal and Dearest Queen Gracie I did not damage that dish.
Embarrassed, Afraid, and Tired of Winter,
Farfalle in CT
(p.s. I have attached photos of 1. current Connecticut DREADFUL weather conditions making the idea of piddling outdoors UNTHINKABLE 2. my handsome, innocent and charming self 3. the chamber pot...uh Lenox dish complete with piddle and 4. my laughing sister Sweet Pea.

Dear Farfie,
The Royal We is shivering in her shoes just thinking about all that painful, excruciating and horrendous white stuff. As you know we are currently residing in Our sunny Florida Royal Palace. Anyway...here is some guaranteed advice:
1. Send a certified registered letter to Mrs. Sue and THE Turkey. Give them two choices for future piddle placement: A. on the furniture or B. in the Lenox Chamber Pot. They can take their pick.
2. Ask Sirius S. Lewis, Esq. Canine Shyster...er Attorney at Law to start legal proceedings against both your parents. As a result of those malicious pix that were sent nearly EVERYWHERE you suffered: A. humiliation B. hurt feelings C. stomach distress and D. neck whiplash. This is your chance to make a killing for at least 1,000 bones.
3. As for Sweet Pea...OFF WITH HER HEAD!!! On second thought...you better forgive her. From what I hear your Mom is considering the possible adoption of a Pomeranian. She thinks they're "cute". We shudder at the very thought. Whatever you do...keep Sweet Pea alive, well and still laughing. Believe me...there is WORSE than Sweet Pea. THE LAST thing you need is the disgrace of a Pom sister!!!!
Following the above advice will guarantee you good health, good looks and LOTS of treats!!!
Your GREYT Queen Gracie

Dearest Queen Gracie

I am a love struck Sealyham Terrier living in Hong Kong. A year ago i met this delightful young Pomeranians lady during one of my walks. We stopped and greeted each other. She was so graceful, but i am sure its nothing comparing to your Royal Highness. I really liked her but you see I was a young puppy then and couldn't control my nerves and started scratching as if I had fleas on me. Her human pulled her away. I barked for us to meet again the same time the next day, she barked back. I went there the next day as agreed, waited as long as my human can tolerate but she was no where to be seen. I pee to leave her a message but there was no reply. I went there day after day but there is no sign of the Pom. Later I met another Pom in my obedience class, all of us boys were chasing after her but it doesnt feel the same.

Your Royal Highness Queen Gracie with all your understanding of Pomeranians do you think she has met somedog else? Or is she just playing hard to get? A year is a long time for a young dog like me, and there is this Bichon next door that has been flirting with me. She has a pink collar and really hot. Do you think I should wait for my true love?


Your faithful citizen



Dearest Spike,

So far as the Pomeranian is concerned.....start running and DO NOT STOP. Here are the cold hard facts. Poms are NOT dogs. Not by a long shot!!!! Here is the correct scientific classification of a Pomeranian:

Verminus Uglyae

Your Queen absolutely insists that you NEVER consider marriage with a species that ranks lower than a Slug on the evolutionary scale. The Bichon next door sounds delightful. She is: 1. handy 2. willing and 3. NOT a Pom. That makes her eligible. Although the Queen approves of dalliance....the royal We suggests that you NOT MARRY anyone. Marriage produces puppies which you will then be required to support for the rest of your life. The royal We was spayed years ago and is down on puppies. They are expensive, require almost constant attention and are also inconvenient.

We thank you for the inquiry and for your support of Italian Greyhound Rescue. You are a Sealyham Terrier of incredible good looks and fine character. The Queen approves! You may continue to exist.

With Love and Tailwags from:

Italian Greyhound Queen Gracie

p.s. Spike....this is The Queen's human Mama. Please ignore ALL of the above bum advice. The Queen is down on Poms because 10 years ago one Pomeranian who lived two streets over was a yapper. As a result The Queen's busy nap schedule was interrupted for a period of two weeks. Because of that one incident she has conducted a ridiculous vendetta that continues to this day. You are so handsome and are a dog of distinction. Should you fall in love with a Pom or any other dog....please consider marriage. After all your human Mama raised you with both morals and ethics. She would not approve of her Sealy son "running around" with canine floozies!!!


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